Home Is Not A Place But A Feeling
by Black Lightning Bolt
Summary: AU. 3 months ago, Castiel and Gabriel were saved from their enslavement in hell and brought back to heaven. Yet Castiel doesn't feel as comfortable there as he once was and, when tragedy strikes once more, he finds he has no one to turn to and no where to go. Only that's not true - there is someone who can save him. He just has to go home. 4th in 'Tragedy' series. Destiel & Sabriel


**A/N: The last of the 'Tragedy' series in all its glory, not quite how I planned it but nothing ever seems to be how I planned anymore. Anyway, enjoy and please review.**  
**Warnings: Slash, hints of mpreg and domestic abuse, character death (OC), AU concepts, Evil/Demonic Dean and Boy King Sam.**  
**Pairings: Destiel and mentions of Sabriel.**  
**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

Castiel had spent many years praying to his father to somehow take him back home. He knew he didn't belong in hell. As a creature of heaven it had actually been painful to reside in perdition. The darkness and cruelty of the torture that surrounded him had tainted his grace excruciatingly slow until he had been practically human. He had begged and pleaded for what felt like an age to be rescued as his powers slipped away. Even after Jason had been born he'd continued, not that he didn't love his son but he had felt trapped in hell and wanted to escape.

It was a Thursday when, for the first time in over seven years, heaven succeeded in a raiding hell. Castiel supposed it was ironic really; he was in charge of Thursday, he was captured and seduced for the first time on a Thursday and now he had been saved on the very same day. Yet… now he was back home, and had been for three months now, all he could do was dwell on the past. He knew it wasn't a good idea nevertheless he couldn't stop himself. The differences were, unsurprisingly, too obvious to ignore. Most noticeable to him was the amount of free time he had. In hell he had always had something to do; taking care of Jason had been a full time job. However, now he was back in heaven he didn't have anything to keep him occupied. The other angels had not allowed him to take on any duty, arguing that he needed rest after his ordeal. Castiel disagreed. He needed distraction from what had happened to him and what had happened to Gabriel. For he hadn't been the only one to be saved from the pit; the angels had saved the youngest archangel too. Right from the Boy King's grasp. Only Castiel knew that Gabriel wasn't taking his new freedom quite as well as he had even without seeing him. If you could even call his new existence freedom. He had heard the others talking.

They didn't know who Gabriel was.

Castiel had known that the angels who had rescued Gabriel had not recognized the youngest archangel; too undeveloped to remember, having just been fledglings when he had fled. Yet he had expected them to know by now. Michael, the stand in leader he now was in their father's absence, did not have such an excuse. He most definitely knew and Castiel had thought he would tell the host exactly who they had saved immediately. He had been disappointed when Michael hadn't. The eldest archangel must have had his reasons, Castiel was sure, and he would not go against them despite his distain. Before, he had believed heaven had never been good for secrets – their gossip mill was even bigger than hell's was. Now he knew otherwise.

Silently, Castiel wandered through his favourite realm of heaven and towards the gates of the angels' residence, lost in his thoughts. He rarely was allowed to visit Gabriel but he knew the pain he was in. Unlike Castiel, Gabriel had broken completely under the pressures of hell and wholly submitted into his role as consort of the Boy King. It was something Castiel could not help but blame himself for. After all, it had been his ultimatum that had led Gabriel into vulnerability and submission. Castiel shook his head to clear it, not wanting to think of such depressing things anymore, just in time to hear the end of a passing angel's sentence.

"-won't stop pleading for his master."

"I don't understand why Michael doesn't just let him run back to his Boy King already," the other angel said nastily. "The little whore obviously wants to." Castiel stopped in his tracks, bristling at their words as they continued walking.

"Leverage? I don't know. I can't believe Michael still won't tell us who he is. It's not like the slut's anyone important. I mean, no one I know recognizes the bitch."

"His name is _Gabriel_," Castiel interrupted loudly without thinking. The two angels stopped in shock, turning to face him.

"Excuse me?" the first angel asked incredulously, giving him a nasty look. Castiel felt his fury increase at the expression. Clearly they had no respect whatsoever. He took a brief moment to recall their names; Rasta and Juana.

"Gabriel, Rasta. Not slut, not whore and not bitch. _Gabriel_," he hissed, glaring at them challengingly.

"The archangel?" the second angel, Juana, scoffed. "The archangel Gabriel is dead and even if he wasn't you honestly expect us to believe that the mess of an angel in Michael's chambers is him? You're delusional. No archangel would submit to the King of hell. Wait…aren't you the other bitch who was fucking the Boy King's second in command?" Castiel's eyes burnt bright in anger at the insult, fists clenching.

"He was," Rasta confirmed snidely. "I heard he even got knocked up. What was the little runt's name again? Jake? Josh?" The mention of his son was Castiel's breaking point. In less than a second he used his resurrected grace to manifest his blade, attacking the other angel in fury. She fought back fearfully, having not expected his violence but it was useless against his strength.

"My son's name is Jason and you would do well to remember it!" Without thinking he stabbed Rasta straight in the heart of her grace, killing her in seconds. Juana's eyes widened at the execution of her friend and sister taking a step back just as Castiel did. The male angel dropped his blade in shock. "I-I didn't-"

"You killed her! You actually killed her!" Juana shrieked, backing away even more. Castiel looked at her pleadingly. He didn't understand his own behaviour. How could he have been so vicious? Her insults did not warrant death yet he had murdered her in cold blood.

"Juana…I-" He reached out a hand to her and she fled without another word, horrified. "Oh father…what have I done?" He dropped down to his knees next to his fallen sister in remorse, kneeling next to the body and gently moving it so it lay flat. He stared into Rasta's dead eyes for a moment, biting his lip before carefully closing them. "I am so sorry." He stood up a second later, knowing what he had to do- run.

Yet where could he run? There was no place that the justice of heaven would not follow him and dispatch him just as he had done to Rasta. No one who would protect him either – few cared for him now he had been tainted by hell. Most angels would love to throw him back to the hounds. He probably only had minutes before they began searching. Unless…Castiel looked up to the top of the angels' residence where he knew Gabriel resided, locked away in Michael's chambers while he was forced to heal. If he could get to Gabriel and explain the situation he knew his elder brother would understand and protect him the best he could. He could only hope that would be enough. Castiel spread his wings quickly and flew straight up to the main window of Michael's suite. When he reached it he looked through the silvery glass, immediately locating Gabriel sat on a sofa the other side. He knocked on the glass with a shaking hand pleased when Gabriel looked up straight away, hurrying over to let him in. A second later he was inside, wrapped in his shorter brother's embrace.

"Castiel…you do know that there's a reason we have doors right?" the archangel joked. Castiel could tell he was trying to sound light hearted but it didn't have the same effect as usual. Gabriel only sounded miserable to Castiel's ears.

"I've done something terrible brother," the younger angel confessed, not wanting to prolong their conversation and waste valuable time. Gabriel pulled away from him slightly with a frown but kept his hands on Castiel's shoulders.

"What could you have possibly done that is terrible?" he asked calmly in a tone that suggested Castiel could never be known to do anything wrong. "If it is other angels again then just treat them like the childish fledglings they are. They only say stupid things because they don't understand."

"No Gabriel," Castiel replied shaking his head. Although he could honestly admit there were some angels who were guilty of such things, namely Uriel and a few members of his old garrison. "This time I have truly done something."

"Right…and what is that?" the archangel asked slowly.

"I killed Rasta. It was an accident. She was insulting Jason and I lost my temper. I-I _stabbed_ her straight in the grace Gabriel. Why would I do that?" He clutched at the front of Gabriel's jacket desperately as he spoke, needing something of comfort as he confessed his sin. Gabriel was silent for a moment.

"You know what this means don't you? I can't protect you from this. If that's what you came here for. I have no sway over the angels anymore Castiel," the archangel told him sadly and Castiel looked down at the floor as Gabriel continued because he knew that it was true. He just wished it wasn't. "I have heard what they call me because they don't know who I really am. A slut. A bitch. A whore. And all because I want to go back to Sam." At the final revelation Castiel's head snapped back up in surprise.

"You do? Even after all this time?" he asked quietly, staring at the older angel. Gabriel gave him a small smile and sighed a little.

"I didn't break Castiel. I fell in love," he revealed looking wistful as he explained. "'Cause after all Sam's cruelty, when I stopped purposely annoying him it was like he was a completely different person. The person he used to be before everything went wrong. Sure, he had all his strict rules about communication and contact with other people and the occasional order I had to obey or else but I didn't care. 'Cause when he looked at me I saw what I didn't see when I was fighting him. I saw that he didn't just want me 'cause I was an archangel or Loki the trickster god. He wanted me for me. And no one, not even in heaven, had ever wanted me for me." Silence fell between them for a moment and then Castiel smiled in realisation. He had told himself here was no one who would protect him and that the angels would prefer to throw him to the hounds. Only there was someone who would protect him if he asked. He just had to throw himself at the hounds before the angels did. Only he couldn't leave Gabriel. Not after what his brother had just told him, because the archangel deserved happiness just as much as he did even if it meant turning his back on everything he had once known to return to a place they had always been taught to fear.

"Gabriel…is there anything here you cannot live without?" he asked decisively, praying that Gabriel would not say that there was. Gabriel frowned in confusion, looking worried.

"No, what are you-"

"Gabriel," Castiel interrupted with a smile, grabbing his elder brother's hand and heading back to the window and opening it abruptly. "We're leaving."

"What? Where to?"

"Home, Gabriel. We're leaving heaven and we're going home."

_**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-**_

_**6 months later…**_

Jason Winchester snuggled under his covers drowsily, letting the familiar voice of his storyteller lull him into sleep with the familiar words of his favourite bedtime tale. "…after a while, an angel was sent from heaven to save the man. He was the angel of Thursday so it was a Thursday that he landed in hell to save the man. Only the angel didn't know that the man's brother, the one the man had saved, had also stormed hell and had taken the throne as Boy King of the whole of perdition not long before. So the man was no longer forced to stay in hell and the angel didn't know the man had been expecting him. The man knew who the angel was at once and greeted him like a friend. The angel was confused by this. He hadn't expected the man to know who or what he was but he did. Then the angel noticed who was the one the man was torturing – Alastair, the evil demon that had broken the man on the rack. The angel tried to run when he realised because it meant that the man was a demon now too. Only the man knew what the angel would do and stopped him before he could fly, grabbing his wings and reciting an old spell to bind the angel to him so the angel could never leave him unless the man let him go."

"But the man would never let him go right?" the young boy enquired tiredly, unfocussed blue eyes peering over his blankets. From his seat on the edge of the bed Castiel smiled and shook his head, not noticing the figure that now watched from by the door; too busy drinking in the sight of his son's face. Even after being back in hell for half a year he still couldn't see enough of him. He could hardly believe it had taken him as long as it had to realise it was down in hell with him where he truly belonged.

"Never," he murmured quietly, running a hand through Jason's ruffled blonde locks. "So eventually the angel fell from grace and in love with the man." Jason smiled sweetly back and closed his eyes, burrowing his head into his pillow. In the doorway Dean cleared his throat quietly and Castiel turned his head sparkling blue eyes meeting smouldering black. The angel bit his lip and looked back to Jason in amusement. "And later they would both face a number of challenges from other people and from heaven but in the end they always were together." Jason's eyes fluttered a little and Castiel carried on gently stroking his hair until he fell asleep. Quietly Dean walked over to them and put his arms around the angel, drawing his hand away from his son's hair and pulling him to his feet. Castiel let out a soft chuckle and pressed a tentative kiss to the demon's lips, eyes flickering back over to their son for a brief moment before the eldest Winchester brother drew his attention to him again.

"You know, I swear that story used to have a different ending," Dean teased humorously, playing with a few strands of midnight black hair at the back of his lover's neck. Castiel let out a breathless laugh, pressing their foreheads together lightly.

"I like this ending better."


End file.
